you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
