If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
