Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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