It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
