When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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