I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
