I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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