so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
honey bunches of taint.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
