I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
