don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
