Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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