I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
