Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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