he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
