was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
