What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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