Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
