I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
