I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
