You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
