just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
