Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
