i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
