marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
