Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
