1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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