dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
