So drunk its hurt
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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