this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
