4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
