Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
