If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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