Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
