It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
