So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
