How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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