You're my little dorito
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
