So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
