He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
