Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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