I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
