She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
