So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
