i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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