These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
