I wanna bring you to show and tell
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I did not marry a roomba.
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