She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
