nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
