Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
