He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
