Are we in a gay sports bar?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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