"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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